You don’t even have to say it - this is WAY out in left field for a home design/decor blog. But Cate and I have never promised not to discuss other topics if they are close to our heart, and if you’ve been hanging around with us on this blog for a little while you’ve probably seen a heart post here or there. To cut right to it, I had no plan to write a blog post on this topic until taking my son, Colin, to his 10 year check-up last month!
It began with the doctor asking Colin some standard questions about school, home, life, etc. But the questions started to get more specific and directed toward how Colin and his friends regularly socialize. What he was driving at, I realized, was whether it’s more digital or IRL, (in real life). The doctor said many informed pediatricians are adding questions regarding how children socialize to their well-check protocol. When Colin answered that he usually plays outside with friends after his homework and on weekends, the doctor was absolutely blown away. He said he had just come back from a large pediatric conference at Stanford where the primary discussion was of the growing concern for the amount of time children spend on screens, and it’s longterm social affect. I admitted that my kids spend so little time on devices that it became apparent to us by the time the twins were in 2nd grade that they were technologically behind. They just weren’t as proficient on computers as their peers and it was affecting their grades, (many tests are on computers so we had to work through some anxiety our kids were experiencing there). The doctor balked and said they have plenty of time to learn computers, but the skills they’re learning from face-to-face play with friends outside is foundational in their development.
I don’t typically see the world in terms of right vs. wrong, good vs. bad, so when it comes to child development and parenting advice, even coming from a pediatrician, I take it all with a grain of salt. But I do think it’s worth noting that this discussion of screentime is gaining momentum, and when a topic hits popularity like this I try to see if there is anything I can learn from it, even if I don’t agree with every aspect.
As I mentioned, our family is in a unique position where we already spend a ton of time off screens are actually working on helping our kids become more comfortable with devices. We’re getting there, but my kids just naturally prefer face-to-face play. As parents, there are always thing we are working on; new challenges seem to present themselves every week! We have a lot that we are working on, but outdoor play and in-person socializing is not one of them. So, I thought maybe by sharing some helpful things that have made it really natural and easy for my kids to want to be outside that this post could help others facing this particular issue! It’s really a lot of little things, some big, but all have added up and resulted in three VERY different children choosing to play outside with friends in their free time. So here we go!
Location. I would be leaving out a gigantic detail if I didn’t tell you up front that we live in a fantastic neighborhood stocked with children and away from main roads. When our twins were 8 months old and we were pregnant with Mason, Matt and I started looking for a family home. We lived in an apartment just outside of Washington D.C. and I remember discussing with Matt what direction we should move. I desperately wanted to try the city life. I fantasized about raising my kids in the city; I loved walking out and about with my kids, I was good at using the metro system - in my imagination we were so chic! But Matt felt really strongly about going deeper into the DC suburbs and I told him I was open to looking. For several months I would pack up the twin babies and meet our realtor to look at houses in our price range. Each one was crummier than the last. But when we stepped into our current house 10 years ago, it felt right. More importantly, the price was great. Funny thing is, we moved into our house without ever driving up the street. We had NO idea this was a three cul-de-sac neighborhood, meaning there would never be any traffic cutting through. We had no idea there were only 50 houses. Or that it was lined with sidewalks. We really hit the jackpot. God is so good. So, location is relevant to why my kids love playing outside. Since babyhood we have been able to utilize our yard, these sidewalks. This precise spot has made it very easy to spend time outside safely. You are where you are, but if you’re in a position of considering your next move, location can make outdoor play incredibly easy…or riddled with challenge.
Teach by example. When our kids started school we really found out just how many kids are in this neighborhood. The bus stop was like a party. But that’s how we started getting to know other families and building trust with each other. Matt and I have always really enjoyed playing outside with our kids.. Eventually, other kids from the neighborhood would trickle down to see what we 'were playing. Over a short period of time we got to know several families really well in our neighborhood and now the kids all play in various yards. Sometimes it’s our house, sometimes it’s up the street. But I think that getting outside ourselves, especially early on, created this interest in just being outside.
The above are more your broad, general ideas, The following get into the nitty gritty details that make a difference for us on a practical, daily basis.
‘Play clothes’. This is an entirely personal issue so feel free to glaze over it, but it matters to me that my kids put an effort into what they wear to school. Not just for the phsychological connection between feeling put together and doing your best, but for the message it sends the teachers and staff at the school; that their time and efforts matter to our family. But it is HARD to keep school clothes looking presentable when they are also worn for outdoor play. My kids play like there’s no tomorrow, and their clothes take a beating because of it. So to make things easier on everyone, we keep a stash of play clothes. These are the items that are outgrown but still work, (you know what I mean), items that are ripped. If I see sweats at a thrift store that will fit my kids or there’s a super sale going on somewhere, I try to stock up. They just go through pants so fast. But with a reserved stash of play clothes they’re free to be wild!
Stock the right toys. Whether alone or playing with friends, there are some outdoor toys that have been serious home runs, many of which to my surprise! Here is a list of regularly used items:
Chalk - even at 10 years old my kids will still get out the chalk, but not as much for drawing anymore! They’re all about 4-Square these days, and from that they invented a new game they call Circle Ball.
Balls - soccer, football, basketball and kickball. We have baseball and bat, but the neighborhood wide favorites are probably soccer and football.
Basketball hoop - a neighbor with older kids gave us his. Also easy to find on facebook marketplace.
Jump-ropes - but they’ll never be used as jump-ropes
Those are really THE go-tos. We have a garage full of things that also come out once in a while, but the above are easily the fan favorites. But if the kids want to trampoline or play on a playground, they go up the street to neighbors. :)
In addition to these things that have made uninhibited outdoor play so natural and free, it’s also relevant to point out that our kids didn’t really grow up with devices. My husband and I never gave our kids our phones or anything to occupy them while out. From doctors offices to grocery shopping, whether with one kid or all three, we just didn’t give them a device for amusement, (oh - except for that time my daughters lip was hanging off her mouth and had to have it stitched back in place - Matt played Arthur for her on his phone). They would amuse themselves by their environment, or me, or each other…they learned patience during boring errands and self-control when they wanted to lose it. Not to perfection, (I’ve experienced on-the-floor meltdowns in the middle of a store), but enough that I could 100% trust my toddlers out of our house, and ultimately, thoroughly enjoy them.
If your child(ren) struggles to enjoy free time apart from a screen, or if your instincts are telling you this is something you’d like to work on with them, please don’t feel discouraged! Discouragement is usually my initial reaction when I’m realizing something that we need to work on, (i.e. For about 5 seconds I felt bad when discovering our kids weren’t as proficient in computers), but trust me, these transitions are possible. They just take some time! Consistency helps, but even then, it is a process. My kids are now caught up to 2020 and comfortable with all kinds of devices! It took practice, but they got there. Their preference is to play without them, but there is no longer fear. And that, my friends, is a good feeling.
Thank you so much for taking the time to come by today!
